Author John Scalzi was on a roll this morning (currently 7:14 AM, 26 Sept. 2014) with a tweet he found from some guy sending out an “ultimatum” to women to “make a choice” between feminism and, well, men like him. So Scalzi launched into a truly magnificent set of scorchers, which I’m posting here for the delectation of people everywhere.
Also: I would like to thank that guy for setting the ultimatum. It makes finding a boyfriend so much easier when the undesirable ones wear a placard identifying themselves.
"The tragedy of that poor boy’s life is not the realization that he’s not the grand prize he’s assumed, but that he’s not even second place."
WHO YOU ARE
YOU ARE MY SON
AND THE ONE TRUE HOUSECAT
Disco Snuffy has entered the building.
"I am a big girl. A voluptuous, curvy, dress-wearing lesbian. I love my body; it’s the only one I’ll ever have. I eat a lot of greens and work out and drink gin martinis and put M&Ms in my froyo and sometimes I don’t do anything but watch Project Runway. I am allowed to look sexy, feel sexy, and be in love. I am worthy of all of those things, and so are you. Own your good and bad, and all the scary parts that you’ve been covering up because it is yours and no amount of judgement can tell you how to love your body. In the words of Sonya Renee, the body is not an apology. You are magic. “
Guys, I swear I had good intentions starting out.
I was thinking “Man, you know what we need? We need motivational werewolves. Because really, people area awesome, and don’t know it, and no one would argue with a werewolf trying to motivate you.”
Then I realized “And if a werewolf was dishing out compliments, It would comment on how nice you smelled!” And this was a good idea. I plan on redoing this sometime along with some companion pieces. It’s not the best, but good.
But then everything went wrong when I started drawing, and then, I had the horrible, awful, abysmal thought: “And I could draw it sort of in the style of Lisa Frank. The art of my childhood. Yesssssssssss.”
And… and I did this.
OMG let me tell you guys a story.
I was out one day and at a coffee shop after running errands prework.
This enormous Super Metal Viking looking Mother fucker who is scowling like he is about to lay waste to Lower Queen Anne walks by me, (I was outside) stops, backs up and stares down at me.
I was feeling like maybe he was about to do something good and then he yelled in this big ass bass voice,
YOU SMELL REALLY NICE AND LOOK PRETTY.
Then stomped away.
I think he was a motivational werewolf because I was feeling gross and ugly and upset that day and that moment made everything okay.
Thank you for making this OP and letting me remember.
This is my favorite story ever.
I’m sorry but I was totally expecting that to be an innuendo
LOL OH SHIT ITS BACK
I like how the mustard doesn’t even fucking squirt out. Like wow what a worthless ass ghost.
it’s ghost mustard. obviously you can’t see the ghost mustard it squirts out